Finding the Doorway

I love working with Chakras, the colors, layers of consciousness and personal gifts that they offer us; grounding, sensuality, personal power, compassion, truth, intuition and inspiration, etc. Slowly on my path, I began to feel, from the inside, their subtle qualities and also where I felt hindered or blocked. The blocked feeling arises in me as a tightness, constriction, not pleasant. In deeper states of meditation and savasana, I could feel movement and freeing from the tightness, deep physical relaxation and release.  But I yearned to connect with my energy body off the mat and meditation cushion, to gain a deeper understanding of the “energy” that is all that is, and yet… where is it most of the time?

More and more I began to connect my other studies of Somatics, Reiki, Chi Gung and Massage and the inner feelings of energy became more regular and stronger, like warm, happy bubbles moving around in my body spreading joy.  That energy movement  brought with it feelings of inner freedom and joy, but I still couldn’t mentally understand “energy” or what I physically felt – the synergistic effect of my different disciplines.  I wanted to know how that “energy”, bubbling feeling comes about and how I could help myself and others access it regularly for healing, wholeness, and joy.  Because in a culture where anxiety and disconnection thrive, wouldn’t it be lovely if we could feel our effervescent and free natural state more often? Wouldn’t we all be a little more joyful, forgiving, accepting.

And then, a few months ago, I had a beautiful “aha” moment, that came to me in the early morning like an alarm clock waking me up.  This “aha” moment came after reading a few mind expanding books (“The Afterlife of Billy Fingers” and “Soul Retrieval” if you’re curious!) and after a few amazing Reiki sessions from my lovely friend. Those books and reiki opened that bubbling, warm and lovely sensation more than ever before, all throughout my feet, legs, hands and arms. It seemed to me that my cells were literally changing into light, like my cells were happy honey bees in a field of wild flowers, buzzing. I started re-experiencing this on an almost daily occurrence, walking barefoot in our clover yard, I felt my feet tingle, expand and merge with mother earth – comparable only to the ecstasy and intimacy of lovemaking.

While sitting and reading or talking, or even thinking about energy or spirit world – my energy body activates, sometimes so much that what I am seeing begins to dissolve, as if I can almost see behind the layer of physical reality. With this energy body experience I feel extremely relaxed, in deep parasympathetic mode and I began to feel that my nerves and nervous system are very central to this sensation of light/energy. This helps bring me to my “aha” moment.

My brain clumsily struggled to keep up with my experiences; “So energy is non-material,” I thought, “but the nervous system is material (physical, observable). But the nervous system is also so subtle, so sensitive – is it through my nerves and nervous system that I am receiving this energy?  Is it here where non-material becomes  material?”  Is the nervous system the doorway where energy comes through from the earth and cosmos?  My body feels this truth deeply, and when I ask the question the energy flowing within me gets stronger, as if answering for me, yes!  Though my sluggish, analytical mind still is trying to decipher, I am following the strong yes in my body. Through our nervous system, energy/spirit/divine incarnates, ie. becomes our physical body and experience, and when we open nervous system to that flow of energy it clears, heals, illuminates the stagnant or old physical us and re-enlivens us with a fresh experience and existence.

I flashback to watching to “Awake”a few years ago, a Yogananda documentary, where Yogananda is speaking about the nervous system, but I didn’t quite put the puzzle pieces together then, so I google search it to see if it relates to my aha moment.  This is what I found:

“The spine and the brain are the altars of God. That’s where the electricity of God flows down into the nervous system into the world. And the searchlights of your senses are turned outwards. But when you will reverse the searchlights, through Kriya Yoga, and be concentrated in the spine, you will behold the Maker.” — Paramahansa Yogananda

The “electricity of God” are not the words my mind picked, but this feels the same. This is the understanding I have been searching for, asking for, and here it is gifted to me by so many divine rivers.  I begin see the HOW (in my next post I will attempt to connect more dots for you).  I continue on my inner journey and hope to share in writing in such a way that speaks to your heart dear friend, because the experience is healing, wholing, joyful, pleasurable, mysterious, and illuminating. To experience myself beyond the physical. To experience a flow of life that moves through me as if …

I am a divine vessel for warmth and light to fill
and continue filling
overflowing
and still filling
bubbling like a champagne river
from an endless source
and I, a splendid rapid in this river of ecstasy

We are all part of the divine, all a splendid rapid, each slowly waking up.  May we all share our “aha” moments and help each other on this path of co-awakening and co-creating our collective experience.  Namaste,

Elena

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